She can cook a meal and Virginia Reel!

Southold was great. I got to sleep on a lot of boats. Boats are up there on my list of favorite places to nap, what with the breeze and the gentle rocking and such. Plus we got Sister to overcome her dumb fear of sailing, which I'm sure will greatly enhance her life since sailing is great. Oh! And when I got there I found that the WINEBERRIES were ripe, which brought all kinds of jubilation to my soul since my childhood summertimes were full of wineberries and I haven't had them in like five years since I've been away for all my Julys. I still know where all the wineberry bushes on the property grow.

But the real highlight of the venture: BARN DANCE 08.
A barn dance full of people I don't know and will never see again? Golden opportunity and then some? Yeah, we thought so too. Plus the added bonus of free whole lobsters and free ribs and free steak and free dessert buffet. It was great. We wished the rest of us could have been there, we could have pulled a Winter Ball type takeover and Polkaed the night away like never before. A danced with a 55 year old guy with a mustache named Marty for most of the night. And I will leave you with that image.

This is all I have to say about today

(also BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG C came home today and I think it's great cause I missed her)
(also I drove home with no pants on)

Bathesinnoodles

M's house is the most delicious and comfortable thing to ever grace this universe. JUST LIKE M HIMSELF. AWWW.

No but really though...I kind of died of noodle nap happiness today. I think the phrase "noodle nap happiness" sounds great. My day was great.

p.s. I'm a turtle

Mmmmmmmmmmm, today

I don't think there are better words (or vocalizations) for today.
The feeling of being full of delicious noodles and the perfect temperature (covered by warm soothing blanket with frigid air conditioning blowing upon feet) and completely comfortable and entertained by top quality rock banders? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'm also happy I was unsick enough to go back to Anything But Work today. I love those kids. I really do.

I accidentally wrote really mushy personalized love letters to everyone last night. I was thinking about that whole "tell the people you love you love them" thing, and I was thinking about how I wasn't exactly raised on that. Like, Mother and Father don't show much physical affection towards each other or shower each other with many words of affirmation. So I was thinking about that, and then I got to thinking about our upcoming diaspora, and then it was far past my bedtime and I was still slightly feverish, and one thing led to another. The end result was letters to all in which I tell my deepest truest feelings, but I feel awkward actually sending them out because they're far more deep and sentimental than we usually get. So I suppose you all can know that I thought and wrote very nice and loving albeit embarrassing things about you all.

Here are more Mitch Hedberg jokes than you care about!

"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It is the cutest infestation ever."

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl that would be really angry if she heard me say that."

"In England Smoky the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, al-right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world."

"I was at a bar once, and no one was talking to me 'cuz I just did a show, and I ran into a guy, and instead of saying "excuse me" he said "get the hell out of my way,", so I said "Go to hell", and I ran away. He caught up to me, he had on a hat, a nose ring, an eyebrow ring, a goatee, a tongue ring, and 3-earrings. He said "Hey man, you have a lot of nerve," and then I said "Hey man, you have a lot of cranium accessories." (crowd laughs) You guys are a smart crowd, when I do the dumber crowds, I have to say "Hey man, you have a lot of shit on your head!"

"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But I accidentally wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."

"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again." They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that it will not fall down."

"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me."

Supervision

I dragged myself out of my feverish delirium* and went to pick up my glasses, and I found that super vision is indeed how people are supposed to see. And guess what I got to see on my drive home! A pretty imposing hawk perched on top of a crane being pestered by crows! It was great. I enjoy hawks a lot.

I also heard SO MANY good songs on the radio on the way there and back. It's clearly going to be a great day, especially since A heard 99 Red Balloons on the way to work. I heard Sexual Healing, So Happy Together, You're the First, the Last, My Everything, Bohemian Rhapsody, and...man I'm pretty sure there were more, I just can't remember. Maybe they were predicting the mushroom bacon burgers father is making for dinner. Cause if that isn't a really good thing, I don't know what is.

My last wisdom tooth is growing in with a vengeance.

Was anyone else awoken by that thunderstorm last night at about 1:30? I don't think I've ever heard anything louder. Very apocalyptic. I loved it.

The bob-white of the quail that seems to have taken up residence in my backyard is all kinds of comforting. Reminds me of childhood summers in Martha's Vineyard and Southold. AWWWW, HOW SWEET.

*delirium probably due more to watching Gone with the Wind all day, probably less due to subsided fever. All I got out of that film was that Scarlett O'Hara was a fool and her life sucked.

Would you rather be sick or make money?

This one time last night, I had a higher fever than I've had in at least a decade. Do I have your sympathies yet? Anyone?

This expensive vacation from work has left me plenty of time to ponder the important questions in life, one which I made up myself and one which I lifted from a blog that I stalk regularly. Can you tell which is which?


Would you rather be more beautiful or more intelligent?
Would you rather lay eggs or have periods?









....and a third one to answer: what if I threw would you rather be more talented into the beautiful/intelligent mix?