April 14

I do have friends here. I do. I think. Or maybe I'm making friends. No, I have friends. I do. I do have friends. All I did all day was hang out with my friends, all different friends. I have friends here.

I think.

And if I don't I'm on my way to having friends. But I think I do. Maybe I'm not sure. No, I totally do. I have friends here. I have friends here.

Winter Quarter

Spring quarter is better but I still feel a little lost and confused like I have no friends here, though I suppose I do. No, I do. I do have friends here. I totally do. I think I'm just still caught in residual pain and confusion. I feel like I'm floating around and that I don't belong anywhere and that I'm not attached to anything. I still don't understand why or how this happened to me. I guess I never will. I guess all I need to do now is let it go, but I feel to wrapped up in it all to let it go. Maybe I just need time.

It's weird how much being hurt has clouded my ability to see the fun in what I'm doing. Everything should be better right now. It should be pretty good. I have friends. We do fun things together. When Father was visiting he was talking to me about how nice it is that I'm in college with good friends who are good to me and who like me and who I like. And I was thinking, am I?

But I am! I guess. I suppose. Am I?

I guess I'm still not sure. How did things go so bad this year?

It isn't all bad, though. A lot of it is good. A lot of good, like dinner parties and roller skating and power tools and baby plants and chocolate fights and snuggling.

Maybe I just need time.