Thunder

I've said it before and I will say it again. Thunderstorms are the earth getting it on with the sky.


MMMM! THE POWER! THE ENERGY! THE HEAT!

Stoked About Life

Today when I came home from camp I ate a bowl of blueberries and milk, then a bowl of cheerios in milk, and then a bowl of cheerios and blueberries in milk together. I was so excited when I realized the last one was possible.

Today has been a wonderful night of revelations and good thoughts. I had a conversation with Mother that ended in her telling me "that's the miracle of life" and being totally sincere.

I'm so happy right now.

Aw.

I had a horrible headache tonight, probably brought on by waking up too early and spending too many hours at staff training, so when I got home I collapsed in my bed and Mother came in to give me a foot massage because she's great like that, and then she started crying because she said that in the dark room sleeping I looked so much like her mother.


Aw.

Amazon Trail Amazon Trail

Yesterday was a very nice day.

I worked more on my self portrait. If I can keep on improving it at the rate I have been I might actually end up with a self portrait. And then I can paint portraits of everyone I know. Exciting!

SPEAKING OF EXCITING I GOT AMAZON TRAIL TO WORK. THE INCA PEOPLE ARE SICK WITH MALARIA CINCHONA IS A MEDICINE FOR IT!

And then I went to Harvard Square with A and saw C and Ma and it was so nice.

So I wasn't a mess at all yesterday. Sweet!

It's so hot in my room I am living in an oven.

Mess

I'M A MESS! A MESS!

Ummmmm

I'm kind of a mess these days.

But I did use my new Messless Cooking strategy when I made Christmas cookies for Sister's Christmas themed birthday party (Sister's friends had her leave the house and decorated it all like Christmas (they said it was a winter wonderland party but really most winter decorations are Christmas decorations and most winter music is Christmas music though they did also have a menorah out and some matzoh (while I'm on this parenthesis kick I will just also mention how I never know which spelling to use of those Jewish words that can be spelled all the different ways except for Hanukkah which I always spell like that because I like that it has the double K and it is too much with the c also))and she came back to the surprise theme)and it worked very well and I was left with a lot of cookies and no mess!

TOO MANY PARENTHESIS. AH. I'M LOSING MY MINDDDDDD.

I've been listening to a lot of Paul Baribeau because his voice has been resonating with my personal unrest.

I started oil painting a self portrait and it is wildly difficult but I'm really loving the challenge. I don't even know if I will be able to make it look any good at this point, but I just have this odd belief in myself about it. It's weird, I'm an emotional wreck but for the first time I feeling pretty while making a self portrait. Not that I never feel pretty, but usually staring at myself and trying to recreate what I see for extended periods of time makes me get all critical and unsatisfied. This time I'm just kind of liking how my face goes. And while my painting doesn't look like me yet maybe someday it will.

I've been feeling lonely and antisocial at the same time and the two do not work well together. I've been feeling a whole barrage of emotions that I do not usually feel and do not enjoy feeling. I've been lonely and antisocial and stressed and uncomfortable and sad. I'm not supposed to get these sorts of emotions. When did I turn human? Where is my constant flat calm of contentedness?

I really just do not know.

DESCENT INTO INSANITY. BY ME.

I'm really excited for work to start.

I'm really excited for college to start.

I'm also excited for Canada!

I need to psych myself up to be able to plan. Because I know I'm usually in charge of planning but I have not been feeling up to it. But I need to. Maybe one of these days I will wake up ready to plan again.

your heart

I was reading Father's book today and I found this poem. And I like it.

e.e. cummings - i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Housewife Day

Today I took the dog for a long romp, did some watercoloring at the pond, picked up Sister from the library, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and picked up Father at the airport.

It really did take up most of my day.

I went for a long walk at night and thought about how excited I am for farm class. I think I'm going to be really into farms and farming and it will lead to my career. And then I will have one child and live in a little house.

I looked in all the windows that had lights on but I only saw a person in one of them. I don't want a large house when I grow up. I want a house that is just big enough for me and my husband and my one child and my miniature dachshund. On my farm. OR A HOUSEBOAT! WHAT IF IT WAS A LITTLE HOUSEBOAT! How would I get to my farm if my house was floating? Hm. I guess I have more time to plan all this.

Anyway. On my walk I went over to visit the old house and I found that tip-over driveway's house is completely gone. MEANING I CAN SNEAK UP TO ROXABOXEN. MAYBE. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IF I'M BRAVE ENOUGH.

Ummmmmm want to read something I wrote about Roxaboxen for class? Maybe I will post it sometime.

Productive Wednesday

I love that I have an art room fully stocked with all the art supplies I could ever want and then some and a kitchen fully stocked with (almost) all the apparatuses and spices I could ever need to use.

I like that one of those comes from each parent and that I appreciate both.

When I grow up I want to always have all the art tools and all the kitchen tools.

Problem Solving Summer

I don't think I'm adjusted to being home yet.

Home again home again jiggity jig

Today I saw a turtle and a bunny. Wildlife!

We made eggplant and pasta in my kitchen and it was just like old times.

I don't think I'm in the proper mindset for blogging so I will end this here.

Freshman year, freshman year. Wow.

Ummmmmmmm
I left college.
It was weird. I packed up all my stuff and took it out of my room and my room isn't my room anymore. Then I flew away and now I'm in the Philadelphia airport by myself. I feel a little homeless. I curled up on the floor and cried a little, but then I decided to buy some internet and some ice cream and I'm feeling a little better now.

Tonight when I go to sleep it will be in my own house in my own bed.
That's very weird to me.

The last few days of college were beautiful. One glorious day after another.

On Friday I went on an adventure with A and Ke and ended up lying in this wonderful grassy field listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack with all the little grasses against the sky doing a ballet. It was just the nicest thing.



Then I went back and found Mel and Bej and Li and then Bej and I went to look at kaleidoscope trees and lay in an eternity field with a rainbow sunset and then went downtown and got a hot dog with cream cheese and sat on the docks. The whole day was just so nice. Even nicer than I can make it sound.

I also got to spend a lot of time with Li and the Ka's and their group which is always very exciting for me since I'm a little obsessed with Li and the rest are pretty great too.

It's just so weird to me that I won't be there anymore.

Fountain Goat

Okay so I have not blogged in forever, this is because I have been having too much fun.

IT'S JUNE
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
EW
OH
GOD
I GO HOME IN A WEEK
WHAT
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'M GOING TO CRY. I MIGHT BE CRYING RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT. BUT I COULD.

I'm really excited to see all you folks do not get me wrong. But this year being over is incomprehensible. I just really LOVE it here.

So many things have happened since I last blogged. I don't even know if I can say them all. I probably can't. As you all know, my darling J is visiting, which has been ever so delightful. We threw her a birthday party last night and MAN, that was a party! We danced, we sang, we wandered in the field, we chatted in the hall, we showed J a good time. This morning was ROUGH. A and Ke and Em had to perform a Native American dance for Ke's final project presentation and it was just SO FUNNY because they all felt HORRIBLE. Ke threw up and some puke came out her nose. This is the kind of situation they were in (well, more A and Ke than Em) but they danced anyway. I was just cracking up at how funny it all was and how much it sucked and how happy I was that I did not have to dance because I felt awful as well. A and Em were trying to practice as people getting off the bus walked by and it looked to them like Em was just saying hippity hop hippity hop hippity hop for no reason. She had reason.

Ummmm yeah.

Last night was super fun. Je is visiting again and we all know how happy that makes me.

The night before I had a lovely adventure to the library with Li and the Kas and Bej and I tried to cut Bej's hair in the library but Li and Ka wouldn't let me. Then the Kas and Li were dinosaurs in the woods. It was neat.

I presented my paintings to the class. The class loved them. CoWo really wanted to buy one. But he did not because I am not selling.

Over the weekend we did some wonderful lying in fields and looking at trees.

Last weekend my room was an aquarium and the field was a snowglobe and all the people were tiny.


WHY DO I GO HOME IN LITERALLY ONE WEEK.