Things

Things are good now. They're good. Looking back on the year it doesn't seem so bad. Probably because things are good again, so I can now see all the good that was clouded up by the bad.

April 14

I do have friends here. I do. I think. Or maybe I'm making friends. No, I have friends. I do. I do have friends. All I did all day was hang out with my friends, all different friends. I have friends here.

I think.

And if I don't I'm on my way to having friends. But I think I do. Maybe I'm not sure. No, I totally do. I have friends here. I have friends here.

Winter Quarter

Spring quarter is better but I still feel a little lost and confused like I have no friends here, though I suppose I do. No, I do. I do have friends here. I totally do. I think I'm just still caught in residual pain and confusion. I feel like I'm floating around and that I don't belong anywhere and that I'm not attached to anything. I still don't understand why or how this happened to me. I guess I never will. I guess all I need to do now is let it go, but I feel to wrapped up in it all to let it go. Maybe I just need time.

It's weird how much being hurt has clouded my ability to see the fun in what I'm doing. Everything should be better right now. It should be pretty good. I have friends. We do fun things together. When Father was visiting he was talking to me about how nice it is that I'm in college with good friends who are good to me and who like me and who I like. And I was thinking, am I?

But I am! I guess. I suppose. Am I?

I guess I'm still not sure. How did things go so bad this year?

It isn't all bad, though. A lot of it is good. A lot of good, like dinner parties and roller skating and power tools and baby plants and chocolate fights and snuggling.

Maybe I just need time.

Gelato gelato gelato gelato

Oh goodness.

This is the best vacation ever. After all those awful months (well, they weren't entirely awful. but like, they were kind of awful) at school this is the most welcome dose of wonderful. I've only been here for a few days and we've already done so much and there are so many more adventures planned. Every day is full of adventures. I'm not stressed. I'm not upset. I'm happy. Really, actually happy, the kind of happy that I haven't felt for a while. I'm hoping it will stay when I go back to school. I think spring quarter will be better and maybe I can keep up this mood. But like, man. This is like a five star luxury vacation. Today we woke up early and went to the zoo. There was a baby gorilla and an owl kangaroo. There were also some cuddly penguins hanging out together in the same little penguin cave. After the zoo we took a nap and then went to Half Moon Bay where we found all the best stores. One sold baby bunnies and baby chicks and turkeys. I wanted all of them. There was also a really cool antique store and a knitting store with a stuffed knit stegosaurus. We went to the beach and saw the water and lay in the sand and buried our feet. After the beach we got dinner at one of Bej's families favorite restaurants. We got salad and baked goat cheese and enchiladas and the BEST gelato for dessert. I can't even tell you how good this gelato was. I was twitching as I ate it. It was that good.

Oh man oh man oh man and that was just today.

Yesterday we visited Grandfather and Be and that was cool because Grandfather is the coolest. We walked to the top of a hill and there was water on three sides of us and an eagle was flying low and circling around us. We actually don't know what kind of bird it was. But it was definitely eagle-like.

OH MAN OH MAN

I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME GUYS! THE BEST TIME!

Tonight

Mi and I are doing homework. Mel and Ur are doing a puzzle. La is coloring. Everybody is eating strawberries. This is the life.

Okay

There was a week of sun and it was great. I went to the beach every day with different combinations of people. I painted in the forest by myself. Everyone wore dresses and lay around in groups on the field. And it's FEBRUARY. Dresses! Without coats! In the sunshine!

Things are better. I haven't cried in a while. I made chocolates last night with Ba. I have seeds in little pots on my desk. Maybe they will grow.

Down on the farm

You can click on them for bigger sheep.